Happy New Year

Hari pertama di tahun 2014, masih dalam cuaca mendung dan gerimis, masih seperti beberapa hari yang lalu. Rasanya belum lama menikmati perayaan 2013, tapi waktu berjalan sedemikian cepat sesuai skenario Nya.

Senang, sedih, marah, puas, menyesal, dan pencapaian pun terlewati dalam satu tahun ini. Tidak ada resolusi yang dibuat, hanya harapan-harapan untuk menjadi lebih baik kedepannya. Lulus dan wisuda S1, diterima S2 di Universitas favorit, sampai merasakan sakitnya dikhianati sudah aku rasakan di tahun lalu. Bukan untuk diingat, tapi untuk dijadikan pelajaran pendewasaan. Tidak perlu membuang dan membakar catatan kehidupan 2013, cukup menyimpannya dan tidak perlu menyesali atas semua yang sudah terjadi. Sekarang, saatnya lah membuka buku baru dengan judul 2014, saat ini memang masih bersih, dan aku yakin nantinya akan mengisi dengan tinta warna warni untuk membuatnya lebih indah dari buku sebelumnya. 

***

This year i loved. This year i've lost. This year i've changed. This year was hard. Hard, but i learned a lot. I've learned that people can be fake. I've learned that people can hurt you a lot, without giving a shit about it. I learned that good people can change in a minute when their hearts get broken. I've met great people, but mean people as well. But the most important thing i've learned is that every person in this world is steong enough to let go. To let go of that painful past of yours that broke your heart into million pieces. People come and go, that's life. The most important thing is to stand up and realize that you deserve something better than a person that gives up on you.

Case closed.

Sudah seperti apa yang diharapkan, seperti apa yang seharusnya terjadi. Aku pun tau cerita ini akan mempunyai akhir seperti ini, semua indah pada waktunya. 

Gelas yang sudah pecah ini, dia berusaha untuk merangkainya lagi, aku hanya menyediakan sedikit lem untuk memperbaikinya, dan dia berjanji untuk membuat gelas itu utuh seperti semula. Dan jika suatu saat nanti gelas rapuh ini kembali pecah, aku tidak akan menyediakan lem untuk merangkainya lagi. Biarkanlah itu hancur. Karna jika itu terjadi, artinya aku sudah harus mencari gelas yang baru.

***

Terimakasih ya Allah, ujianMu sudah berhasil hamba lalui. Terimakasih atas pembelajaran yang berharga ini, pelajaran yang tidak mungkin hamba dapatkan di Universitas manapun. Jadikan hamba menjadi seseorang yang lebih kuat dari sebelumnya, supaya selalu bisa melalui semua ujian yang Kau berikan.

Hujan

Hujan deras sedari tadi malam sampai pagi dan berlanjut lagi siang ini. Tentu sedikit mengganggu aktivitas mereka yang harus berangkat sekolah atau bekerja, belum lagi jalan-jalan yang banjir. Tapi karna hari ini adalah hari Jumat, semoga hujannya membawa berkah. 

Bagaimana di bagian barat sana? Apakah tidurmu nyaman disana? Karna aku tau kamu hanya beralaskan sleeping bag atau apa pun itu, sedangkan aku disini bisa melindungi tubuhku dengan selimut lembut pemberianmu.

Hujan ini sangat membuat ku mengingatmu. Aku merindu. Seandainya saja aliran hujan yang mengalir itu bisa membawa semua rasa gundahku, melunturkan semua rasa sedihku. Tapi tak apa, aku masih bisa menikmati suara rintiknya dan bagaimana setiap tetesnya menyentuh kerasnya genting-genting rumah ini.

***

Jika kamu sedih dan tidak ingin menampakkan kesedihanmu pada orang lain, berjalanlah di bawah hujan. Hujan yang akan membantumu untuk menyamarkan air mata yang jatuh itu. Tapi untung saja, sekarang aku lebih memilih untuk menikmati dari balik jendela ruangan ini.

 *** 

Hujan. Banyak sekali hal-hal yang muncul di otak ini saat memikirkan hujan. Beberapa lirik lagu favoritku atau entah kalimat-kalimat yang menggunakan kata hujan, seakan memiliki banyak makna seperti sama banyaknya dengan jumlah butiran air yang langit guyurkan.

"The rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight, and tears fall because heart can no longer handle the pain"

"All i know is pouring rain, and everything has changed" - Everything has changed (Taylor Swift)

"There'll be no clear skies if i lose you baby, just like the clouds my eyes will do the same if you walk away, everyday it will rain, rain, rain" - It will rain (Bruno Mars)

Rangkaian Kata

In love with this video from Gita Gutawa's new album </3

Entah bagaimana

Hari berganti, sinar hangat mentari pun belum bisa menembus jendela kamarku, aku masih belum ingin beranjak dari hangatnya balutan selimut kesayanganku, ya selimut yg kamu berikan saat itu, selimut yang menjadi benda paling favorit dimana aku bisa berharap mendapat pelukan hangat darimu disetiap  malamku.

Sangat tidak biasa untukku menulis dihari  sepagi ini, tapi apa yang bisa aku lakukan? Sudah beberapa hari ini setiap aku membuka mata, selalu teringat akan hal yang masih belum aku percaya, semacam kumpulan sesuatu yang tidak penting yang memenuhi otakku dan tak ada ujungnya. Tolong, doa yang aku hantar untukmu di setiap aku menggelar sajadah adalah doa terbaik. Apakah kamu disana sama sekali tidak merasakan kesedihanku saat ini? Bukannya kita punya semacam feeling yang kuat? Aku yakin kamu merasakannya. Apakah menurutmu ini mudah untukku memendam semuanya seorang diri? Tentu tidak. Orang-orang terbaik itu yang membantuku untuk merasa lebih tegar, tapi tetap saja aku hanya ingin kamu untuk menenangkanku.

Doaku setiap hari masih sama, semua yang terbaik untukmu, semuanya berasal dari hati yang paling dalam. Aku masih ingin memperjuangkannya, bagaimana denganmu? Bukankah kita sering memiliki  pendapat yang sama? Bukankah kita juga memiliki mimpi yang sama? Bagaimana dengan orang tua kita? Pikirkan itu.

My heart is like a glass, too fragile. When it is broken, even you've fixed it, it won't be the same, it won't be perfect like before.

Winda Lupita

Hello again blog, today is kind of jobless, so when i think something and want to express, i will come to you.. 

This time i want to talk about Winda. I forget exactly how long we built this friendship. Yap, she is my all-the-time friend. Although she is weird, but she have something that can boost my mood up, can give good way out when i have a problem. We also can be crazy when we are together, yes, we have ever met twice.

She is so kind, she always gives me strengths. I can talk to her about anything i can't talk to other people. We are like already knew each other for years, although we made this friendship less than 2 years.

***

Relate to my current problem, she is the first person i told to. I can't tell to anybody else, include my old bestfriends. And until now, she still boost my mood up, she is so care to me, more than i expected. 

The tears fall when i read her blog about me. I don't know how many times she makes me stronger. So, with my pleasure, i want to thankyou to her. If you can't lend me your shoulder to cry on because we are separated so far, just be there whenever i need you.. :)

Today (again)

Well, this is my 3rd post today. I don't know what happened to me. Every part of my body feels so pain, painful.

It's already 3 days since i got that fck news. Then i become like so dumb because i can't reach you, i can't ask you about the truth. All i got is sadness, getting bigger day by day. How many more days you will contact me?? I need your explanation.. :( :( :( 

Sincerely, broken-hearted-girl.

I'm broken..

Hey blog, i just can not find another friend to talk to. Only you the place where i will tell anything, where no one can read this (i hope).

I've ever read sentence like this, "you didn't just hurt me, you completely destroyed me". Yes, he did. He broke my heart into pieces. He did something i've never imagine before. Why you so immoral? Did i make mistake to you? Why you give me all these sh*t feelings?

But my tears are so priceless right now, i won't cry for something unimportant, even you're important before i know about this. My strength came up from your family, they're so kind, that is why i will forgive you maybe. Stupid? Indeed. I just don't want to change my dream, through this life and reach our dream together, do you remember about that?

I'm trying to be better for everything now, either about my Magister Program or cooking (like what you want). So please, just follow our path we have made before, then make our dream become real..

More than this - One Direction

I’m broken, do you hear me?

I’m blinded, ‘cause you are everything I see,

I’m dancin’ alone, I’m praying,

That your heart will just turn around,

And as I walk up to your door,

My head turns to face the floor,

‘Cause I can’t look you in the eyes and say,

When she opens her arms and holds you close tonight,

It just won’t feel right,

‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,

When she lays you down,

I might just die inside,

It just don’t feel right,

‘Cause I can love you more than this,

Can love you more than this

If I’m louder, would you see me?

Would you lay down

In my arms and rescue me?

‘Cause we are the same

You save me,

When you leave it’s gone again,

And then I see you on the street,

In her arms, I get weak,

My body fails, I’m on my knees

Praying..

When she opens her arms and holds you close tonight,

It just won’t feel right,

‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,

When she lays you down,

I might just die inside,

It just don’t feel right,

‘Cause I can love you more than this,

Yeah, I’ve never had the words to say,

But now I’m askin’ you to stay

For a little while inside my arms,

And as you close your eyes tonight,

I pray that you will see the light,

That’s shining from the stars above,

When she opens her arms and holds you close tonight,

It just won’t feel right,

‘Cause I can love you more than this......

***

Sir, i can love you more than she does. :)

(Sorry for changing some words on the lyrics, hehe)

A boom just exploded right on my face

A Boom just exploded right on my face!

I'm blank right now, do not know what to do, what to talk, my mind is just full of sweet memories (in past)..

Someone who ever been special for you, and not special anymore because he disappointed you a lot. This is second time for me to felt how bastard man who can not be believed at all. Long Distance Relationshit is not as easy for them who can not keep their heart for their mates. Dude, don't you ever think how hurt when you break your girlfriend's heart? This hurt me so much you know. It's more than painful. And one thing, I do agree with this statement "Expectations always hurt".

Thankyou for loved me for this one and half years. I wish I could erase all the memories you've made.